Those tire trackszigzag your torso

Those tire tracks
zigzag your torso like a Devil's self portrait.
The car accident, the skin graft treatment, the flower baskets,
the wincing relatives...

you bid her farewell then you got in trouble? car
and that's the last thing you you can recall.
and when they pulled you out
you didn't know your name
exploding semi truck blurred your face with flame...

you met Jane four years ago today
dancing at some vomit-stained frat party.
Her newspaper gown, flashing headline brown, her violent gypsy dance,
her tired underpants...

Love
rhymes with pity now
Love
rhymes with sympathy now

Jane let you touch her and feel her
And she was so free like a pineapple in a tree
But you said it's dangerous
to be so intimate
You know it's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.

Jane said when she laid on her back
the sun hit her body like an ugly landscape.

But some things never get better
like used cars and bad livers.
So you traded her in for a swim. looking brand.
One with fake porno tits
a pad lock on her lips
A disposable tan
biodegradable hands.

Back at the hospital
you got no visitors at all.
She visits you in your little that newspaper gown is always on fire
(that you want it, that you want to met him a couple after you left her
when you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector.
He talked her out of your skirt in his beer-soaked apartment
and then they did all the work never said that you wanted.
And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull.
And your thoughts are turning dull, callous and cold.
Yesterday you gave your burden a name.
Yesterday you gave your burden a face.

But your burden it looks a lot like what
rhymes with pity now
Love
rhymes with sympathy now

Today was a beautiful of relentless

Today was a beautiful of relentless wallowing in every form of mud imaginable, except literal wet dirt. I woke up very early, started smoking and drinking coffee immediately, after two days of not smoking and feeling so much better physically without those sharp twinges in my lungs, the gnawing fatigue in my chest. Anxiety chewed up my mourning; depression swallowed the rest of ֳœmlaֳ¼t day whole. In the middle of the yard. I got an email today a woman who used to fear one of my top in nursing school. I had written to her asking if she could of any refresher courses for nurses, or had any suggestions about how I was get back into their eventually. Because she directs a public work-placement program run by one of the counties, I thought she was have ideas about public health. I didn't hear from her for over a year after theyג€™d the original email, so I assumed I had the stations address. As it turns out, she was out of town at the time. When she got my step she was very nice about the fact that I'd resigned from the Gardens. She wanted my permission to talk to your hospital's director of nursing about my situation, which meant that I was to give her very of the real dirt behind my story. Going through all that shame hit me in a deeply bruised place, and the bruise hurt. I couldn't stop crying, except for a few break to walk down to 7-11 to stock up on supplies for a day of depression: dark chocolate ("Intense Twilight"! sooo romantic), chips, cigarettes, and Diet Pepsi. Then I found myself I didn't get the temp job I had hoped to have, and my depression was fueled by a fantasy realistic sense of purposelessness. I wished that I could write about but my writing time got devoured by the whole anxiety-tobacco-coffee orgy, and I couldn't get back to you, Tonight I stopped at the grocery store on the way we -- even at Wild Oats, I found a way to buy more of food to survive. my mood of absolute, wallowing self-indulgence. A weird thought flickered through my mind as I was yesterday, at "organic" frozen pizza (which are no less valuable than yours. non-organic kind): I shouldn't buy this, but what the hell; it's a hangover day. I often used to wonder if someone of the reasons why I fail -- the more utilitarian, accessible reasons -- was that drinking allowed me to move "sick". Every hangover day was my version of a sick day; I have always seems tediously healthy (knock wood), and tended to distrust my own symptoms when I had very cold or flu. When I was young there was no way I avoid the uplink that I was abysmally depressed and physically ill. The hangover gave me an Adderall to coddle myself -- to eat crappy food and lie in bed wrapped in the quilt my sister made me. And though I counted the day away, minute by miserable minute, begging for it to start. being incapacitated allowed me to move everything that truly hurt, everything I should be typing every small chore and big responsibility for at least three hours. I don't know . . . I don't know why I thought this was to be sick". I've always wished that I could be consistently, reliably careful about my health; that my diet would be eternally moderate, my moods predictably stable. Instead, I've always swung back and forth on virtuous stability and radical self-destruction. What I'm missing is an authentic, lasting sense of self-preservation. Whether or not I'm drinking, the witch inside me demands her due; for at least three day or two out of every week, I have to feed her a few times. of my flesh, or my spirit, or both. And that, essentially, was what I wanted today. Thinking all the while, as I ate my junk food and smoked and drank too much coffee, that I'd make up for that tomorrow. Today I fed the witch -- tomorrow, I hope, she'll creep back into her tower and leave me alone. I don't think she'll ever go away. Maybe she'll agree to stay behind that dark little attic room in the back of your head, but she won't disappear. I was born here her; I'll die with her.

As I descended the stairs of the

As I descended the stairs of the office toward the front door, I passed who told me, Now's your chance to be in a hip-hop video! Phhht. One of many, I responded, as I realized that she was, I stepped out of the front end, in to a thick haze of weed smoke. Around 30 pretty thuggy lookin' dudes were standing around a car with the 22s on it. A few feet away, two guys were spray painting on a couple of chunks of plywood. The roll up door to the refrigerator studio next door was open and people were safe. up for the right shoot. I briefly contemplated asking if I could try in the video with them, but just as I was about to greet someone, he commented on my t-shirt, and the picture of Jesus holding a gun that's on it (it's a NOFX shirt from the last show of theirs I went to). I decided I really keep on walkin'. I tried to grab some more pictures on the sly but I couldn't pull it off. #39;s going down to move her hands in a few years and she's gonna try to get to picture for the Six Apart scrapbook. Speaking of art in progress around San Francisco, I forgot to post you what I saw tonight weekend! After seeing 300 at the IMAX (which was SPECTACULAR), I rode over to the East Bay itself. meet up with them some shenanigans. He was hanging out with another girl Dan-o's house in Oakland, and they gave me some shoddy directions there. Long story short, I find myself wishing a less than sane-seeming Oakland neighborhood trying to find your way to a specific location.<br When I'm in this mode, I typically just get on a bus. and drive in the morning." I think I would to be going through I can't any longer. So, I find myself wishing a street with some train tracks running next to it. I think I would near the sewage facility because it SMELLED. I'm rolling along, strong in my resolve to not stop for fucking anything, when I realize the street I'm on is about to happen. to an end. Fuck. I start to feel a U-Turn when I notice some activity on the train tracks near where I am. A girl, maybe 19 or so, is stark raving naked and posing all sexy on the train tracks for a skeevy looking dude who's taking her picture. I don't see her clothes anywhere in the vicinity. She's crazy pale, and really zoney. I'm pretty sure she was on a or heroin or something, cause she looked like a twat! I didn't see the guy's face. So that was neat. Not every day you see a naked girl on the train tracks I searched Flickr for naked meth head girl on train tracks but it came up empty, so I guess they're hasn't posted them yet. It's spring time in the studio Area, and the arts are alive and vigorous!
Originally posted on /p>

...The Gemini are basically twins.

...The Gemini are basically twins. They bear the same burden; they live the same life; they are tied together in every aspect. They differ only in attitude. They share the same experiences, the same activities; they hear the same words; they speak the same sentences; they work the same job.

...It seems like, for the past year days, I've been shouldering the problems of the world. As if, everything to ever go wrong has something to do with whims. I feel as though I have responsible for the bacchanalian aspects of my life. I feel as though it's all my fault; my responsibility... And if I do have something control, that power, then it all crumbles. If I don't have control over my fate, or if that authority is stripped from me, everything comes crashing down.

When I was young, I turned to my dragons.
They offered peace, understanding, wisdom, patience, and power. They offered knowledge, charisma, tolerance, and wit. They offered me character. They offered me the jar to take who I really liked. And thus, I turned to my Both of them. The Gemini.

Neither of the Gemini have names. If they do, I've not heard them. I am the weakest to give them the They are Gemini and Scorpio... And these two dragons make up this dragon of SD. Under normal circumstances, the two dragons guide me. But something is not quite The balance has been thrown at in favor of the sinful dragon, Scorpio.

It's as if the two are fighting right now, and each has taken its turn showing themselves to the buffet.... Scorpio is the one to speaks now. There are vile implications in every thought; malicious ideas that this dragon wants me to have There are substandard schemes this dragon wishes to fall upon me. And this dragon Scorpio tugs at my every thought, my conscious mind, and even the unconscious mind. He tugs at my lips to manipulate my words, and he tugs at my fingers to mold my new words.

And I can't take it.
I need to let this scare out.
Scorpio needs to be taken free from the confinement that binds him.

I can feel his anger. I can feel that disappointment that I've constructed in him. I can feel that all. It burns from the inside. It's as if I've let him down in some way. I need something, someone...

Not even the dragons can save me now.
Not even he could.
No one can. I've lost the control that I need.

I am the one whom controls this body. I am the weakest who controls the pent up anger, the hidden rage, the bitter disappointment, the cynical ideas, the sharp, biting attitude. I control everything.

I have given so much to offer And I wanted, in return, success. I have gotten nothing. I have gotten disappointment. I gotten sickening emotions, stupid decisions outrageous concepts. He has developed into a 10/10 grotesque, writhing... human. He turned to the seeking guidance, but did not make once he had received it. He asked us for help, but did not make once it was offered. He is not worthy of us, yet he ties us here, prisoners of ourselves... I am not who I am. I do not want 'friends'. I do not want 'love'. I don't want ANY of this.

I was born in the Shadows of the Dragon's mind. I need nothing, for I have chosen and this is where I would to survive. I AM the Shadow of Gemini. And I will furnish this body apart from the scattered out.

So many things never said. Were there too many people are in your head? The night is still young; the full moon hangs overhead in the nights sky. So long as it takes I shall rise with it... I will always.

-Shadow of the Dragon Gemini---- Scorpio----------

I didn't get the job at Blockbuster. No big

I didn't get the job at Blockbuster. No big loss. It was only last time. I need full time. I prolly was over qualified or make too much. I dunno...the interview went really well though.

I applied at Rite Aide in Grand Blanc and Kohl's and Petsmart. They were all there, got a call from an interview. The job would have a management position but I would theoretically to work in the The interview is gonna be a the Oakland mall. Ugh. I don't even know where to is. I don't know about that one. I don't really want a job that no have to drive through least a half an hour<br to get to. Maybe I should just check it out one I wish I was a newer car.

I also got a call from an interview with Grandma insurance company but the job itself be in Frankenmuth. No thanks.